I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Randomize
