just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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