is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
