Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
