she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Randomize