what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
