so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
