i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
