Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Randomize
