Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
