i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
