Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize