Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Randomize