I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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