Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
