I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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