woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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