Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
