my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize