You made me cry and you don't even care
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
