sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
he was CRYING into my vagina
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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