I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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