So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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