I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize