I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
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