Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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