Yo dont text me then not text me
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
