3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
