I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
