I love watching others lives come down to our level.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
