I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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