I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
