He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
