note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
i now understand why vodka
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize
