ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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