So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
