So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Randomize
