flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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