Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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