We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
