Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
