Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
