12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Everyone says I win the strip club
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Randomize