if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
he was CRYING into my vagina
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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