you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize