it's too hot outside to masturbate.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
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