just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
