sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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