my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
