I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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