the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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