im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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