Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
