Just fell off a train. Bad.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
