Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize