in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
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