White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
being pregnant is like rehab
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
