so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
