Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
you made out with another girl for some wings
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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