You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
